


Dear Diary, Love Martha

by notthehighkingedmund



Category: Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Anorexia, Bullying, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Non-Graphic Violence, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, fatphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:46:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7158032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthehighkingedmund/pseuds/notthehighkingedmund
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Veronica wasn't the only student at Westerberg that kept a diary.<br/>Some excerpts from Martha's diary during the events of Heathers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. September 1st, 1989

Dear diary,

First day back at school, and I'm finally a senior!!! It's SO exciting to finally be in the most respected year in school, though exams will be kinda stressful :(  
Anyway, Veronica and I have plans to do movie night tonight to celebrate!!! You know, instead of on Friday nights like we normally do. The change of the schedule was a little scary but it is for a really good reason and so I'm sure it will all be fine once she comes over. We'll be watching The Princess Bride - it will be so much fun!!!!

 

Kurt Kelley did it again today. I don't get what Ram sees in him - he's not a nice person, and therefore would not make a nice friend. Maybe it's different with guys? I don't know...

Oh! I almost forgot - something HUGE happened.  
Veronica got into the Heathers!!!! :O  
I'm not sure what she did or said to get them to ask her to join them (I didn't get a chance to ask her before she was being pulled away - I'll just ask her about it tonight!!!) but omg she looks so beautiful.  
I mean, she always looks beautiful, but she looks Popular beautiful.

I can't wait to ask her about it later!!!

 

So Veronica never showed... She didn't call either, so I'm guessing she's busy? The stress of first day and suddenly joining the Heathers must have gotten to her and she just forgot we had plans, that's all. Besides, it's out of the ordinary for us to have movie night NOT on a Friday anyway, so that must have confused her! Right?

Well... I guess I'll just watch the movie myself. I'll go see if Mom wants to watch with me.

See you later, diary <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	2. September 2nd, 1989

Dear Diary,

Veronica didn't say anything about last night. To be honest she didn't say much, cause Heather Chandler was kind of dragging her away from me to do whatever it is Heathers do...  
Am I reading too much into this, diary? Does Veronica not like me any more?

No... No that's ridiculous - we've been best friends since forever! She wouldn't just abandon me because of the Heathers. I mean, she's nice.

 

I sat alone at lunch, again. That normally only happens when Veronica is home sick, but... She was in school today so it was really weird. And lonely.  
I mean sure, sitting alone is lonely by definition, but this time I felt truly alone. Maybe it's because I could see my best friend sitting with other girls and I knew I couldn't join in...

There's always tomorrow. I guess I'll just have to get used to the fact that she's going to spend some lunches with the Heathers and not me.  
She's their friend now too.

See you later, diary <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	3. September 14th, 1989

Dear Diary,

It's been 13 days since Veronica became friends with the Heathers. She's not sat with me at lunch once...  
She's hardly had time to even have a short conversation with me lately - I hardly managed to ask her about the chemistry homework before Heather McNamara swooped in and distracted her...

Is it bad that I feel like she doesn't want to be my friend? Is it mean and selfish that I want some time with my best friend - my only friend?  
Probably... I mean, maybe I'd have been the same if it had been me in Veronica's place! We just don't know.

I'm sorry I haven't written much, diary... A lot has been on my mind, but nothing I could put into words. Some I felt I should never write down, because it would make me a horrible person.  
I am a horrible person, I know that.   
I try not to be.

See you later, diary <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	4. September 22nd, 1989

Dear Diary,

So I finally confronted Veronica about everything that's happened... I felt kinda bad about it, cause it was just like I thought: she was just busy and her head was a bit fuzzy so she forgot. I mean, she's in the Heathers now!!! That's pretty exciting stuff, and would make anyone forget previous commitments. Like movie night, and sitting together at lunch... And talking to your best friend...

Great news, diary! RAM INVITED ME TO HIS HOMECOMING PARTY!!!!! <3 <3  
He does care, and he still thinks about me... He misses me. I miss him.  
Oh I can't wait for the party!!  
My darling Ram :3

 

There's a new kid at school. I don't like him - he creeps me out. Just silently watching, or not watching, in a corner with his trench coat on. Who wears a trench coat and isn't creepy?  
Plus he beat up Kurt and Ram. Poor Ram... He probably just sensed how creepy the new kid is and was warning him to be nice when the kid just hit him.  
My poor, sweet Ram.

I think I heard a teacher call him Jason Dean? I'm not sure but... Veronica seemed really interested in him, and that worries me. I hope she doesn't do anything rash... I want her to stay safe, and that Jason Dean doesn't feel safe.  
He feels scary and cold.  
Veronica deserves a better guy than that.

See you later, diary <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	5. September 23rd, 1989

Dear Diary,

Tonight's the night!! Ram's party :D I'm just so excited!  
I even convinced Mom to let me buy a bottle of sparkling cider to bring with me.  
After all, it is rude to show up at a party empty handed.

I'll write all about the party when I get home!

 

Tonight was... Awful.  
Ram was distant and... Drunk. I don't think he noticed it was me but... He called me weird.  
And then...  
Oh diary, I don't want to relive it.

There was some piñata thing and for some reason I was chosen to swing first. I thought maybe they were finally starting to like me - maybe Ram had talked to them! But... That wasn't the case.  
I'm not really sure what happened but Veronica got really angry at the Heathers and everyone was staring.  
She told me to go home so... I did.

 

Veronica called. I know why she told me to leave.  
I know why I was chosen to swing at the piñata...  
I feel sick.  
I've been crying for a while and I don't know when I'll stop...

See you later, diary (o o)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	6. September 25th,1989

Dear Diary,

Heather Chandler committed suicide last night.  
I'm not sure what to feel... I'm sad, of course - but a little bit relieved? I know that makes me a bad person, but I cannot help this feeling.

I feel bad for Heather... Her note was... So sad. She was crying out for help for so long and no one noticed.  
We all thought she was just a mean person, but we were wrong. She just didn't think she would be liked if she was her true self.  
Maybe that's why she picked on me?  
Maybe she wanted to be as open about herself like I am, but couldn't bring herself to do it.  
School really messes with you, and I bet popularity makes it even harder.

 

We'll all miss you, Heather. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	7. October 3rd, 1989

Ram is dead.  
He killed himself... Last night...  
Apparently he and Kurt were... Together? Like dating. And they made a pact and...

Oh God, why did you take away my sweet Ram? I don't believe that he was gay or involved with Kurt (perhaps he knew Kurt was gay? Maybe they'd made a best friend pact... I'm not sure).

I can't believe he's gone...

 

I've been crying for hours, and Mom left lunch outside my door.  
She's left to go offer Ram and Kurt's dads her condolences.

I'm going to throw the lunch in the trashcan and leave the empty plate where she left it.  
I still can't eat. Especially not now... Not when I'm losing the people I love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	8. October 14th, 1989

Dear Diary,

The funeral was today. It was beautiful.  
I... I really miss Ram. It aches to know he's never coming back.

Mr Kelley and Mr Sweeney came out in front of everyone. I think they're a couple now.  
At least they found some comfort and happiness in this dreadful time.

As much as I disliked Kurt, I'm sorry that he's dead too. He was only 17 after all... That's too young to die.  
They had such promising futures...

I hope that Heather, Ram and Kurt are all together again in Heaven. At least they won't be friendless, even in death.

 

I don't think they committed suicide. Ram definitely wasn't gay, so why would he write that suicide note and then take part in a duel suicide with Kurt?  
Did someone kill them?  
Who would want to kill Ram and Kurt?!

 

Come to think of it... JD didn't seem overly shocked or even upset about their deaths.  
And he did beat them up...

Oh my God.

 

I told Veronica what I thought and...  
Ram never invited me to that party. It was a prank. They all laughed at me.  
Even him.  
Especially him.

Ram didn't love me.  
He didn't even like me.

Veronica hates me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	9. October 16th, 1989

Dear Diary,

I've lost track of how long it's been since I last ate.  
Since I last spoke to anyone other than my parents...

I think there's an assembly today.  
They won't notice if I don't go.

No one notices.

No one cares.

Goodbye, diary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	10. Goodbye

To The People of Sherwood, Ohio,

I'm sorry if you have to read this. I'm sorry for everything.

This world is too cold, too cruel, too lonely to stay in.  
I lost my best and only friend to the girls that hated me the most.  
I lost the only boy I've ever loved to an alleged suicide.

I know I was a fat and disgusting annoyance. I know this now. Be happy in the fact that I will never bother you again.

Mom, Dad, I'm sorry. I'll miss you, but I'll watch over you from Heaven.  
Please give anything of mine that you don't keep to charity. I want to do at least one good thing.  
I love you both.

But I can't stay like this any longer.  
I'll be in a better, happier, place.

Goodbye,  
Martha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


	11. October 18th, 1989

Dear Diary,

So I survived... I didn't want to, but I did.  
Apparently jumping off a bridge isn't the most effective method of suicide...

Writing this is hard, as my neck is in a brace and my right arm is in a cast. My left leg is also in a cast, which makes moving around really difficult.  
The hospital gave me a motorised scooter and I'm going to be sleeping in the living room for some time.

I'm also going to be going to therapy and... Well my parents discovered that I wasn't eating again and they're keeping a close eye now. I'm not sure whether to be grateful of this or not.  
I think one of them read through you, diary...

I was told Veronica visited while I was asleep from the surgeries.  
I don't know how to feel about that...  
Apparently she was upset and apologizing... Like a lot.  
That feels kind of... Nice.

 

 

Everyone at school avoided me until after the pep rally.  
There was some kind of explosion, I think? I'm not really sure... But Veronica looked like she'd just been shot out of a cannon, and her boyfriend is missing...

She reached out to me. Asked me to be her friend again...  
Said she missed me.  
I missed her.

We're having movie night later, and Heather McNamara is joining us!  
I think things might be getting better for me, diary.  
I really really do.

See you later, diary <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to heathermcnamara on tumblr for the timeline which helped immensely!


End file.
